Neopets.com and a Trip to Fry’s Electronics

I am eight but I say I'm eighteen, mostly so I can browse the forums although I don't chat with anyone.
(Mom hasn’t been around to check this, but still, I don’t want to be spontaneously murdered or something.)
By 9 AM my breath is Lucky Charms. I'm a hamster-ball, obsessed with smiley eggs but the red ones kill me.
I'm a sly crocodile, in love with auto-generated pirate coins but hordes of shuriken hone in on my boat.
I complete these and similar rituals 3x each to make about 20K, investing 15K in Chiatech Password Security
and gambling the rest. I'm a puzzle dungeon architect. I arrange torches, keys, dynamite and boulders
to squash some poor cave frog hunting for gems. My theme song slogs around the empty living room, woeful.
I'm a freeloader: I visit all temples and lonely plushies to collect their offerings and sell them for cheap.
I'm also a Good Samaritan: I donate a Tombola Keyring and Reject Ornate Rainbow Sand to the Money Tree.
Distant microwave beeps summon me to the kitchen. My sisters and I chat over leftovers and plot to poison
our aunt. In a red Solo cup we pour Windex, Coke, Lysol, soymilk, pho, bug spray and AquaFresh. We are
celebrated sous-chefs. We brew the muck with a chopstick, a hygienic, lead slosh with alien-dung aroma and
the glint of a MEGA RARE item. We leave it on the counter hoping Auntie will gulp it down out of curiosity.
It's 2 PM now so I visit the Snowager, but it just blasts my pet so I shrug and go shopping in Altador.

Later our dad takes us to Fry's Electronics, a warehouse of DVDs and other items Indiana Jones might hoard.
Somehow it's also a pyramid. The wallpaper depicts ceremonial rites; pillars of stone and palm trees divide
the printers and the VCR tapes. Madonna plays overhead. We jerk at the coin machine to try and steal tattoos.
Back home, we watch our aunt dump our restorative down the sink instead of chugging it. I'm a bit relieved.
After dinner I sleuth around the Kreludan Mining Corp. looking for secrets. I've already solved one mystery.
Yesterday I found the Faerieland Hidden Tower and there was my mom, shimmering, in a pink, diaphanous dress.
She guards the most expensive items in Neopia, and promises to return if I can afford anything she owns.